There's something unsettling about realising where things seem to stand. Where once it seemed that it all made sense no longer makes any sense to her. In some ways she's learned the lesson that nothing was really hers and it was always something that was his. It doesn't suprise her in the way that it probably should but she wonders why she ever convinced herself otherwise. She's stopped pretending that she ever was something other than his plus one, but despite trying so hard, after so many years she would like to think of herself as her own person. However, this is proving otherwise.

 

 

She feels that she devotes a lot of time into the present with not much consideration into the future. A large contrast when it comes to him. She sometimes feels like he forgets to live in the moment, to savour the kisses, to relinquish in the warm hugs or even realise that things planned in the future will not always work out in the immediate present. She realises all too well that she hangs onto his fancy dreams and lace like words but lately shes found this strange personality in her that she's not too sure what will do.

 

 

There are so many situations that she has been afraid to run away from. The sole reason being that she's too stubborn to let go of the things that are comfortable to her, things that are almost habitual. She's starting to realise that she's not afraid of taking the big steps or the necessary steps of precaution. Sadly, losing things bit by bit no longer fazes her, in fact, she just sits back and watches it all disappears no matter how hard she may be trying to hold on. Today is one of those days, where she wonders if a better offer will present itself, and the truth as to whether or not she would take it.

 

 

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// Caz